What to Do When Your In-Laws Are Meddling in Your Wedding Plans
Let’s be real - nothing sucks the joy out of wedding planning faster than in-law drama.
I've seen it firsthand
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A while ago i was at one of my cousin’s wedding, and the tension was just... thick.
Her future mother-in-law didn’t like her - not because she was rude or anything - but because she wasn’t from the same tribe.
(I’m Nigerian, by the way - and yep, we still deal with that whole “marry from your tribe” mindset sometimes.
Even now. Even in 2025 😩)
Anyway, from the start, it was obvious her MIL wasn’t happy.
This woman would smile in public showing all her 32 teeth
...but behind the scenes?
It was tension after tension.
Every little decision felt like a negotiation.
And I could see it wearing my cousin down - like the joy was slowly draining out ...of what should’ve been one of the happiest seasons of her life.
.
.
.
Thankfully ...she found her way back (courtesy of me and my constant nagging😅)
She started setting small boundaries, letting go of trying to please everyone, and just focusing on what actually made her happy.
And it helped.
A lot.
So yeah, I’m not here to tell you to start fighting everybody (lol, please don’t).
But if you’re in a situation where your in-laws are crossing lines, pushing opinions, or just making things more stressful than they need to be —- this post is for you.
Let’s talk about a few ways to gently, clearly, and confidently take your power back - without losing your mind
1. Recognize that sometimes it's not always about you ...it's about control
When you’re planning your wedding and your future MIL, or some auntie starts seriously overstepping ...acting like it’s their wedding, it’s easy to feel hurt or attacked.
But here’s something that helps to keep in mind:
Sometimes, it’s not really about you.
It’s about control.
.
.
You see, some elders (bless them) often feel they should be the one calling the shots ...especially when it comes to something as emotional and meaningful as their child getting married.
Maybe your fiancé is their only son. and they’ve been dreaming of this wedding for years.
Maybe they just have very specific ideas about what’s “proper.”
Or… maybe they don’t fully trust that you’ll do things “the right way” - so they feel the need to step in and steer.
Anyone...
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So when they start pushing their guest list on you, choosing your colors for you, or saying things like, “In our family, this is how we do it” - it can feel super personal.
But sometimes ...it’s just them struggling with letting go.
Knowing this doesn’t excuse their behavior — but it does help you understand it.
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Because when you realize,
“Ohh, she’s projecting — this isn’t even about me,”
It'll help you detach emotionally, so you don’t take things personally or get sucked into drama that’s not even yours.
Because you know their overstepping isn’t a reflection of you doing something wrong.
It’s them needing to sit back down.
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And then ...you can just calmly, gently remind them (and yourself):
"This is my wedding. I hear you, but I don’t have to hand over the steering wheel."
2. Decide what actually matters to you — and write it down.
Sit down with your partner and decide the areas where you both don’t want interference.
These are your “off-limits” zones - aka the things you don’t want opinions, input, or drama about.
It might look like:
The guest list
Your first dance song
The ceremony structure
What you wear
Who’s walking you down the aisle
Write them down.
Literally.
It’s easier to defend your choices when you’re not still deciding mid-argument whether it’s a hill worth dying on.
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Once you have this list, it becomes a filter.
So any time someone tries to jump into one of those areas, you already know - this is a no.
.
.
This doesn’t mean you have to be icy about it.
You can say:
“We’ve already made a decision on that one - but we really appreciate your input”
Simple ...done.
3. Have your partner handle their own people.
This one matters more than most people realize.
If it’s their parent, it needs to be their conversation.
No, it’s not always fair.
But it usually goes down easier when it doesn’t come from “the one who stole their baby.”
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So if your future Mother in law keeps crossing a line, have a quiet moment with your partner.
Say:
“Babe, I really need you to help me hold this boundary.
Can you talk to your mom about this?”
The goal isn’t to throw them under the bus
But to stand side-by-side with your partner and present a united front.
4. Give them a role — but on your terms.
People meddle when they don’t know where they fit.
So one thing you can do (if it feels safe and doable) is assign them a clear, limited role.
One that lets them feel involved without stepping on your toes.
So if your future MIL (mother-in-law) is dying to be involved?
Here are some ideas you can give her;
“Would you be up for helping us look at rehearsal dinner venues?”
“We’d love your input on what to include in the family photo list.”
“Can you help collect mailing addresses from your side of the family?”
You’re not being manipulative — you’re being strategic.
You’re giving them something to do that keeps them engaged without giving up control of anything that actually matters to you.
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Remember boundaries don’t always have to be walls — sometimes they’re lanes.
5. Protect your planning space — create a “no in-law" zone.
Ladies... this is a game-changer especially if your in-laws are literally inserting themselves into planning sessions, vendor meetings, or group chats.
You need to set up boundaries around who gets access to the behind-the-scenes stuff.
Meaning...
Don’t add them to the wedding planning group chat.
Don’t invite them to vendor calls unless you ask them to be there.
Don’t CC them on emails unless it’s about something they’re directly involved in (like the rehearsal dinner if they’re hosting it).
You don’t need to make a big announcement.
Just… don’t include them.
6. Finally - protect your own brain space:
This is the one no one talks about — but it’s really important
When you’re dealing with in-laws who won’t stop interfering, your brain gets overloaded with stress.
Suddenly you’re forgetting things, second-guessing your plans, and dreading your own wedding.
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That’s why you need to actively protect your mental space — the same way you protect your guest list or your budget.
Here’s how:
1.) Limit the airtime you give to stressful family conversations — whether in your head or with your partner.
Set a timer, vent if you need to, then change the subject.
2.) Mute the group chat.
Turn off notifications.
You don’t have to be available to drama 24/7
3.) Say this out loud if you need to:
“I am allowed to be happy and enjoy this.
Their reaction is not my responsibility.
Their disappointment is not my job.”
This isn’t about pretending the situation isn’t hard.
It’s about giving yourself the mental clarity to walk through it with peace.
You are allowed to have a wedding that feels good to you.
So take your space back.
They’ve had enough of it.
Wheww this is definitely the longest i have typed at once ...(might make even make a Part 2 cos there's still a lot i can talk about)
But if you stayed to the very end, reading this — it’s probably because this hit home.
Setting boundaries with family - especially the ones who feel entitled to your day - can feel heavy and lonely.
But please hear this:
You are not wrong for protecting your peace.
You’re doing the hard, brave, necessary thing.
So take a deep breath.
Keep choosing your peace.
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And if you're feeling overwhelmed with wedding planning — if you don’t even know where to start or how to keep track of everything
I created an amazing tool …it is called the Wedding Planning Bundle.
It contains 3 powerful tools in one:
A Digital Wedding Planner that will tell you what to do and when
A Wedding Budget Tracker that helps you stay in control of your money
A Wedding Guest list & RSVP Tracker to help you track who you’re inviting and who’s responded, all in one place
Its not just some random pdf and spreadsheets.
It’s all your wedding details (including big and small) in one place.
And I want you to have that.
Because when everything feels like too much, this is one part you can take off your plate.
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I left the link for you here if you want to check it out
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