7 Things to Consider Before Choosing Your Bridesmaids

So you’re engaged, and the question hits you:

“Who am I asking to be in my bridal party?”

And your brain immediately goes:

“Omg! My childhood bestie, my cousin I kind of talk to, my work best friend, my sister, that one roommate from college I haven’t seen in a year but feel bad not including...”

Deep breath.

Let’s slow down for a sec.

Because choosing your bridesmaids isn’t just about who you’ve known the longest or who would be offended if you didn’t ask.

It’s about who’s going to show up for you.

Emotionally, practically, and without draining your soul.

So before you send any

"Will you be my bridesmaid?" boxes…

Here’s what you really want to think through first:

1. Are they actually supportive… or just there for the vibes?

This one’s a little uncomfortable but super important.

You want bridesmaids who are genuinely happy for you.

-Not secretly competitive.

-Not judgmental.

-Not the kind of friend who low-key disappears during your hard moments.

Weddings bring out a lot in people.

The ones who get weird when attention’s not on them?

Or who never ask how you’re doing?

They usually don’t become magical team players once you hand them a bridesmaid title.

So ask yourself:

When something good happens to me, are they the first to cheer or the first to make it about themselves?

That answer alone will tell you a lot.

2. Will they actually help — or will they ghost you halfway?

Here’s the Thing:

Not every bridesmaid needs to be a Pinterest-planning, love-language-is-acts-of-service type.

But they do need to be reliable.

You don’t want to be chasing someone down for RSVP reminders or begging them to try on their dress.

Especially when you're already juggling 62 things (and crying in your car because napkins are more expensive than you thought).

If they’re already flaky in everyday life… your wedding won’t magically change that.

3. Can they afford it?

Being a bridesmaid is expensive.

Dresses, travel, hair, makeup, gifts, bachelorette trips… it adds up.

And not everyone can swing that — even if they love you.

So before you ask someone, check in with yourself:

Are you okay if they say yes, but quietly struggle with the cost?

Because financial stress has a way of bubbling up — sometimes as resentment, distance, or tension.

And nobody wants that energy around their big day.

If you know someone would be a perfect support system but money’s the issue — could you help cover their dress?

Or let them skip the bachelorette without guilt?

There are ways to include people meaningfully, even if they’re not “official” bridesmaids.

4. Are you asking them because you want to — or because you feel like you should?

Let’s release the pressure of “obligation bridesmaids.”

Just because you were in their wedding 4 years ago, or your mom says your cousin will be heartbroken, doesn’t mean they automatically get a spot.

Your wedding is not a group project where everyone who’s ever done something for you gets a gold star.

You don’t need to justify your choices.

You’re allowed to choose people who feel aligned with who you are right now — not who you were at 16, or who your aunt thinks you should include.

5. Are they fun… but also mature?

Weddings come with a lot of moments: silly ones, stressful ones, and seriously emotional ones.

You want people who’ll dance with you at the bachelorette, cry with you when you say your vows, and also handle their business without turning it into chaos.

If your friend is fun but also the type to lose her passport, show up late to everything, and accidentally insult your mom at dinner… you may want to rethink that.

Fun is great.

But you also need someone who’s not going to melt down on your wedding morning because they forgot deodorant and didn’t eat breakfast.

6. Will they respect your choices?

Your bridesmaids don’t have to love every decision you make.

But they do need to respect it.

If you say “no kids,” or want everyone in the same dress color, or decide to write your vows in private — that’s your call.

And your bridesmaids should back you up, not guilt trip you.

You’re not looking for bridesmaids who act like wedding critics.

You want teammates.

Encouragers.

Boundary-honoring, good-vibes-only humans.

7. What kind of energy do they bring into a room?

If you’re choosing between two people, go with the one whose energy feels calm, kind, and safe.

The one who helps you breathe easier — not the one who makes your stomach tighten when their name pops up.

On your wedding day (and the months leading up to it), your peace will be everything.

So choose people who protect it.

So to wrap it up….

If you can say yes to all that?

You’ve found your girls.

And if you’re still figuring it out — that’s okay too

You deserve a bridal party that feels right.

So Take.Your. Time.

You’re building more than a wedding day here — you’re building a memory.

Let’s make sure the people standing next to you belong in it.